For a very long time, I have struggled with the issue of my personal body image. I beat myself up because I did not look like the “other girls”, or if I ate a few too many pretzels. My confidence has been low for as long as I can remember, and all because I got lost in the devastating game of comparison. When I was younger, I never wanted to go swimming, or to the gym, or anything in case someone might see my body, and think that I was less of the person that I am.
This issue has been a struggle for me for many years, and I believe that today I made the choice to get out of the disgusting course of lies that I have been glued to.
Today is the best day to be a better me.
It will always be today, because the next day turns into today whilst the night departs and the dawn appears.
I want you to know that this is not me trying to get your encouragement (though I would appreciate it ;), but rather a public announcement that I will begin living better, begin being altogether healthier, begin making better choices, begin forming quality habits that will lead to a happier, healthier, and absolutely more fruitful life.
Today, in my journal, I wrote these words to my Jesus:
It has become apparent to me that the more I whine about my body, the less I do to help myself love myself. The more I put myself down, the less I try. Lord, I am putting my body image in Your hands. I am letting go of them because I need to hold onto You instead. I will continue working on my habits. I will continue to strive to be better. While I am holding onto You, my life will change.
Some of these words just make sense now. How could I have not seen it earlier? The longer I had been listening to the negative voices telling me that I was not beautiful enough, the more I was brought down and into the whirlwind of devastation. Oh, my heart has been so wounded. But the best thing I know, the most happiest thing.. Is that Jesus heals, redeems, and makes all things new. What GOOD news!
I think a lot of people have heard that if you want to feel better about your body/lose weight/love yourself, it is about changing the way you think about food, the way you exercise, the way you think, the way you act toward yourself. It is a lifestyle and not a punishment to be eating healthier and to be exercising more. A lot of times, I know that I had thought of it as more of a form of retribution every time I did something that was not “in the plan”. Today, I have been focusing on the reasons why I wanted to do things a certain way, and not that I was punishing myself- and that has made all the difference.
Things have to change in order for me to feel better about the way my body feels and looks. It will not happen overnight, over lunch, or when my bike ride is over. It truly is about changing the way I feel about food. The way I act towards myself.
This is today.
The best time to be a better me.