Well the day has come, not unlike I thought it would.. Or knew it would, more rather. Anyways, a recap of my journey.. It has been a crazy, crazy, crazy year. So good, and yet so incredibly difficult. I can’t explain to you in words the excruciating pain I have been through or the breathtaking joys I have encountered. Not even everything was covered in this small, yet massive space I have here. Small because I only have words to express my feelings, which at times is most accurate, and other times, least accurate. Massive because.. Well.. It’s the internet. You can’t get much bigger than that. Well, okay. You can, if you are speaking in spiritual context. But let’s just stay in the material for now.
Imagine with me, for a moment, that you are all alone, and all you had was a journal. Would you use it? Why do people around me hesitate to try and pen their feeling, emotions, and pure thoughts? Maybe their thoughts aren’t pure and that’s why they want to conceal them. I feel like there are so many people on this earth who are losing touch with their identity, merely because they don’t want to look back. They don’t want to acknowledge that this life has pain. Maybe they do what I used to do, and put on a smiley-faced mask during the day, when there are people around, but when the dark falls.. You can count on cynicism. Truthfully, it isn’t a very fulfilling way to live. And since those days in my life, I have learned to let myself feel.
Honesty is something that seemed to be scarce in my early friendships. During high-school, I think I started learning more about what it meant to be intimate, not in a.. Sexual sense, but like in the way God loves us. He wants to be one with us, just like the sun want to be one with the sky (which He created anyways!). Intimacy is something I know I never really understood until recently. My closest friend taught me a lot about that. But, it’s definition has become skewed.. I mean, if you think about it, generally it has. Which is unfortunate, because it is such a divinely beautiful concept.
God is the definition of that phrase right up there. Never in my life, than this year have I learned so much about God. It is a give, considering I go to a Bible college, but even apart from my studies, I have learned huge amounts. Not only about God, but through what I learned, I came to know some more things about myself, which is good.. And scary. He’s really knocked me on my rear through these last 365 days, and I hope it doesn’t end. Sure, it hurts, and stinks most of the time, but.. As I look back, it all had a greater purpose in mind. Something to go for.
This verse: I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. Psalm 13:5,6
As I try to sum this up, which I can’t sum a year up in a single post without leaving major points out (thank goodness I got 364 extras.. haha), I hope that maybe as you read the things I learn, you can learn something too. It might be different than what I have been talking about, but I don’t care. We were created to learn more about God, which is everywhere. Don’t neglect the simple things, the “easy” things, the things that you could just pass over. Don’t pass over them. Remember them and keep them close to you.
I love you.. Forever