Day 261

Seeing Friends

It seems that some people I knew from here, that I thought were good friends, want to hang out. But sometimes things get in the way, which makes it hard to plan when to get together. And this, to me, makes it seem like they really don’t care at all, but they were only saying something to be nice. Which, in turn, makes me not want to make an effort either.

I have been thinking about this lots lately.

There are many things wrong with this.

First of all, this is a very selfish and prideful view of friendship. “Well, of course they would want to hang out with me! I mean, I’m only home for 9 days!” Yes, I have been home for a few days, and will only be here a few more, but the fact that I’m assuming everyone will want to see me again, is very.. Preposterous. This is not to say that I shouldn’t be excited about seeing my friends, but I guess.. Maybe more that I shouldn’t expect them to drop their schedules, so they can spend some time with me.

Secondly, the part that bothers me the most, is the fact that I am having a poor, and prideful attitude. The whole “if they won’t try, I won’t either” type of thing. I’ve been thinking of it this way- if God thought that way about his creation of man, I don’t think he would ever be even trying to get our attention. Instead, God would be up in his Kingdom, waiting and waiting for someone to call on him, by chance. Rather than, the better alternative, pursuing us and being persistent and intentional about the ways he gets our attention.

I don’t want to be selfish.

Or proud.

I want to be more Godly.

These types of things are the hardest to admit, especially when I feel like I am all alone. On my own. With nobody around me that cares. But, the truth is, people do care.

Weird.

The people that I want to be close to, I need to be intentional about the actions I take to be around that person, and then understand that sometimes, that relationship might not work out. Every encounter will have something I can learn from. It is crazy that I do not take advantage of the people around me sometimes. Taking things for granted is a hard habit to break. It is hard to learn when it feels like God is the only teacher.. And by that I mean, he is directly teaching me, not through someone else. Just me and him.

Be strong, my friends.

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