Day 185


Decisions are hard to make when you don’t want to disappoint anyone. And ultimately, really, the only person I don’t want to disappoint is God. And yet.. I’m still so concerned with what everyone else thinks. I want everyone to be happy, even to a fault of myself. That meaning, I would probably rather everyone else be happy, even if that meant I didn’t get to be.

I don’t want to hurt people, or make them sad. I don’t want relationships to be postponed or severed or conflicted.

It would be awfully nice if everything was simple and easy wouldn’t it? Then again, where would the adventure in life be? I want things to be simple, and yet I also want the adventure. God wants me to live a life of adventure, so what do I do now? I follow the path God has for me, although I have no idea what that looks like.

I don’t know if I will be in Kansas for the summer, or in Washington.

I don’t know when I’ll graduate, or with what kind of degree.

I don’t know when I am going to Uganda, Africa. Truthfully, I don’t even know if I am going.

I don’t know what to get my best friend for his birthday, which seems silly, but I had a good idea and now.. I’m not sure.

I don’t know a bunch of things and it freaks me out.

Honestly, I am scared out of my mind for these things, and yet I want to adventure into them. I want my life to fulfill the purpose God set out for me. God really does know what he’s doing, and YES! I do believe that. It’s just all the stuff in between that I am unsure of.

Trust is one of those things that helps. I guess mine is lacking because of my fear.. I can’t let it get in the way. Not anymore..

Stay fresh, God bless


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