Day 141

Figure it Out

Today, my emotions seem to be crazy. During the day was great, but around dinner it turned aour. Maybe it was a couple remarks that shouldn’t have bothered me, but stuck anyways. Maybe it was my homework. Who knows..

But as I sit here, I look at my sermon notes from the previous day. Release. “Make God smile because of my existence”. God will get a hold of my heart and pull me back. “I long to praise God”. Activate our lives. “The goal is HIM”.

Sadly, I realize that I was most concerned with myself. And now that I know that, I can see that my heart had been poisoned, in a sense. I had allowed Satan to get in there and tear stuff up. It hurts to be so frustrated and to feel my heart be torn apart. Not because Iw as in anguish, but because I was not focused on God. My selfishness and my self-pity, led to my unhappiness. I chose to dwell on the things that I did not enjoy — about myself, about school, about anything — and that created a black hold of doubt and insecurity.

Frankly, I let it go too far. I allowed my focus on God to sway off course. Maybe I took off my glasses or something (which is a funny example because I wore my glasses today). I want to be better, starting now. To do that, I have to release. I have to activate my life. I want to make the Lord smile because I finally opened my eyes and say that his hands were open and waiting for my to step back into his Love.

His Love so surpasses any evil, in any circumstance. Christ is that light and light will always overcome the darkness. Have you ever been in a pitch black room and finally found a working flashlight? Once you turn that thing on, the darkness will be stifled. I have Christ in my, so that means I have light in my. (Luke 11:33-36)

My heart still struggles, I’ll be honest. And tomorrow still may not be easy. This is a time of growth. Everyone’s favorite, right?

No. Not really. It kind of is awful to be stretched because it’s painful. It means opening up wounds and working through them. It means facing the fats and dealing with whatever it is that is troubling your soul. It is uncomfortable. It it heart-wrenching. It is not all that fun.

We have to let ourselves be transformed. It’s not so great but if we learn patience and try to be strong in God — not ourselves — he will reward us. It is okay to be weak if we rely on God, but if we rely on ourselves, we’ll end up not-so-hapy and full of doubt.

It’s so easy to say, “trust”, and harder to actually trust. I want God to infuse my life.

I will. Be joyous.

Stay fresh, God bless

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