Day 116

Passionate?

Am I as passionate as I think I am? It’s hard not to compare to those around me, but I feel that I should be doing more..

Somehow..

Do people notice?

Am I different?

Let me tell you what sparked this thought in me.. And maybe I’m just crazy, or maybe I just need to talk, or maybe.. Maybe I need to change.

My friend and I were working this morning (at least I think it was in the morning) and we were going to the concession stand to change an electric deal because it kept short circuiting I think. Not entirely sure, but I guess that is because I don’t really know anything about working with wires or electricity or any of that! I’d gladly learn.. But the opportunity hasn’t arose just yet..

So anyways, we realized we needed to do something else, or maybe we forgot something, and we headed out to the truck and this dude who was cleaning stopped my friend and was like, “hey, can I talk to you for a second?” Me, being me, thought they’d figure out a time and talk later. It didn’t really matter when they talked, but they did right there.

“Sure,” my friend said. “What about?”

“Oh nothing, I was just wondering if you’d be interested in helping stir up more passion on campus for God. Not like a formal meeting or group or anything, but I was just wondering if you thought you might like to be a part of that?”

(Mind you, none of this is probably exact quotation.. Just the gist of what I remember)

They proceeded to chat a little, not too long, and before long my friend had agreed to maybe be a part of this group.

Which makes sense. Because my friend is a very excited, fervid and passionate person.

But.

The part that bothered me of the whole thing..

Was that the other guy didn’t even acknowledge me.

And I don’t know if it should have bothered me or not, but I could have taken it a few different ways, and maybe I took it both and maybe that is why it made me so upset and maybe this is a super long sentence that doesn’t really need to go on but I will until this point.

I could have taken it as, “I didn’t even think to include you.”

I could have taken it as, “I thought to include you when I saw you, but you don’t show enough passion.”

Either way. That frustrates me.

I don’t know what makes me so mad. Maybe the fact that, by not asking me, he inadvertently said I don’t have visible passion. That is probably why. And that honestly is a big deal to me. I feel like I have much passion, and I would like to think that it flows out of who I am.

God gave me passion. I am a passionate being.

And the fact that most people don’t recognize that (I think, I don’t know) makes me a little irritated.

I want to be seen as a passionate person.

I want to be someone that people can count on.

I want to be who God intended me to be, and that is passionate.

I don’t want to be frustrated that someone didn’t acknowledge me. That shouldn’t bother me, should it?

All I know, is I’m a child of God and that he made me perfectly imperfect.

He can love me no more, and no less, and that is so incredibly much more than I could ever fathom.

Stay fresh, God bless

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