Day 71

Growth

The other day, I was feeling really out of it. I wasn’t feeling like I was worth anything and I just decided that I wasn’t all that special. I wasn’t beautiful. I wasn’t talented. I was just another girl who walks the face of the earth with nothing all that thrilling to contribute.

I’ve decided that this sort of feeling starts to enter my mind when I have too much time to think.

I have also decided that this sort of feeling starts to encounter me when I am growing. When I am closer to God, Satan tries to attack me. It’s hard to feel so confident in my faith sometimes when all I can hear is a lying voice telling me I’m not good enough.

Sure, I’m at Bible college, and everyone probably thinks that everyone else has it all together, when in reality, each of us is fighting small battles. Not wanting to appear weak, we tell no one of our pains.

What is the point of that?

If we can’t open up our hearts enough for someone to see into it, how can we ever form that much needed trust?

If we don’t trust each other, how will we ever be able to help each other?

How will we ever be able to give a word of advice?

To be honest, it is really difficult for me to open up to people. I don’t like to appear weak. I don’t like to tell people my problems because I feel like it just burdens them. I don’t like that. People shouldn’t have to feel my burdens.

But that’s the thing. People were put on this earth to hold each other up when they feel weak. People are in my life so that when I am not strong, they can be. For support when I feel like I can’t stand. I can’t even believe how much love I am surrounded with. Not only people who are here at school with me, but those who are still at home. I am blessed.

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that God would still want someone so tainted as I am, but the fact that he does.. Completely mind blowing.

There is no way we can come to this love and not feel something different every time.

How can I even forget this fact?

It’s vital to my life!

It is the reason that I am alive!

God gave me everything that I have. All the love I need. All the people I need. Everything. And when I neglect to remember his abundant love..

There is so much I have to be thankful for. God is showing me new things all the time and I cannot comprehend most of it. And so.. I have to learn it again..

Keep your hearts open to God’s nudge. He’s here. He’s moving.

Stay fresh, God bless

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