Day 35

Brokenness

I have found.. That it is in the midst of our complete brokenness where we can become exactly what we need to be. Exactly who we were meant to be. The person God had originally intended for us.

Last night as I was laying in bed, I found myself struggling with lies of the world and just wrestling with things that aren’t the Truth. I found myself questioning the very things I know to be true. My heart was wrenching in my chest- still is- searching for the answers I already knew.

Think about it..

I was searching.. For the answers I already knew..

Why?

What had taken my heart so violently and driven me to tears?

When had my soul become so broken?

Was it slowly breaking without me knowing it?

How is it possible that everything can just stay bottled inside me, welling up until I just burst?

The pain of what I didn’t even know was killing me. Was I hiding it on accident? I didn’t mean to, for I just want to be real. I don’t want to hide because what is that worth?

I can’t do it on my own.

I can’t fix myself. Maybe that is what I was trying to do.

I am broken, wretched, dirty, stained, soiled, desolate, imperfect, empty, blemished, torn, flawed, defective.. All these things..

But I am also unfinished.

That gives me hope.

God is not done with me! He shall never be done!  He started a work in me that will continue until the day I go to be with Him.

Brokenness, aches and pains bring out beauty.

I am aware of my pain.

I am aware of my impurities.

I am aware of my sin.

I am aware that I can not do it on my own, there is no way..

I am aware that a perfect God loves me.. And that completely baffles me. I can’t comprehend the reasons behind it other than that He is completely full of Love and abounding in mercy and grace.

Do you know what that means?

Do you really know?

Mercy

Grace

Love

What are these things? God chooses to give His sinful, sinful people these.. Gifts. We are so undeserving!

… what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? Psalm 8:4

We have a very real God, who meets us in very real places. And I am so thankful for that truth. He wants my soul. My very soul to be contrite and honest.

Honesty.

Brokenness.

Tears.

He wants us to come to him with our hearts open and our souls open. He has so much that he longs for us to have, we just need to realize and ask for it. He will hot hesitate once we unlock our gates. Once we turn on the light, we can finally see that God was sitting right across the table, staring into our faces and thinking, “There is my child.. Whom I dearly love.. Can’t they just see My face?”

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13,14

He rescued us.

He is holding us.

He is holding me amidst my tears. He is letting me cry in his arms. And he is wiping them off my tear-stained face. He is in the process of healing my heart and putting me back together.

We have hope for a brighter day, even in our most broken times. We can be confident that God has the best plan we’ve ever heard. We can be sure that he is going to hold us forever and put those people in our lives who we can lean on when we feel weak and empty. There is a glowing day in our future that he is preparing.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”  — Revelation 21:4,5

This man on the throne? I love him. He is my Lord. He saved me. He is all I need.

And I am not ashamed to admit that I am nothing without him.

I can not fix myself, but he has fixed me eternally.

Even if I am laying in bed at night, crying my heart out, I am still fixed and seen as beautiful to my Jesus.

I am broken.

I am bruised.

And yet.. I am made beautiful.

God bless, stay fresh

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s